Rehearsal Journals & Reflections

---

Rehearsal Journals

---

Performance reflections

---

FINAL reflection

---

Coming up with a  summative statement on what this process has done for me is incredibly difficult. There are numerous ways I have changed and grown both as a person and as an actor. This show challenged me in ways I was not expecting and I am so grateful to have had this experience.

When I first found out we were doing this show, I was thrilled. Although I have never seen the movie, I saw a production of Twelve Angry Men at Ford’s Theatre a few years ago and found it so captivating both in its message and its action. I was fundamentally changed as a person after being exposed to this piece, and I considered directing an excerpt from it in my actor’s studio class in high school. It is, to me, such an incredibly important piece that highlights the importance of civil discourse, assuming best intentions, and leading with compassion. The conflicts in this show are sadly still far too real in today’s society. As we move through an increasingly polarized climate, working on this show was a welcome reminder of the importance of respect and listening, even and especially when we disagree.

One of the things I am ashamed to say is that I was, at first, discouraged by the casting of the show. I didn’t remember anything significant about the Foreman from the production that I saw and I had been particularly excited for this show to potentially have a really intense role I could really sink my teeth into. This came, not from wanting to play a lead in the show, but rather, my desire to do something that truly challenged me on a level I had never experienced before. I wanted a raw, emotional character. As I first read through the script, the characters that jumped out at me were not mine and I had a difficult time coming to terms with this, continually falling back on the fact that we didn’t necessarily audition for this piece. How would my audition have changed if I had known this was the show we were doing? How would my senior project proposal have changed? This was something I really had to work to overcome and reframe my mindset for. This role not being what I dreamed didn’t necessarily have to mean that I couldn’t approach it with the same level of dedication. There were still numerous ways I could make the character my own and grow in this role, even if it wasn’t what I was expecting.

There was definitely some anxiety going into this process, not knowing what the show was or what was to come for my senior project, but these anxieties were quickly replaced by excitement when we received our scripts and the work began. We had a discussion during the first rehearsal that I still think about as I am finished with the show and reflecting back: why is this show important? What’s the point of doing it? It is so easy to get swept up in the spectacle of theatre sometimes that the message gets lost on those involved in the show. This show has an incredibly important message and displays tantalizingly real moments of conflict, argument, and prejudice that we see everyday. This piece is important because it is still plausible. Until this story is no longer realistic to the way society works, it will be an important piece and it will have a lesson to teach. This was something I really wanted to honor and carry with me throughout the process. One of the things I said in this rehearsal was that everyone wants to believe they will be the Juror 8 of a situation. Everyone wants to believe that they will stand up for the underdog and point out injustice, or be brave enough to go against a room of people who disagree with you or stand your ground. Some people will be the Juror 8, but a far more important lesson is to recognize when you are being a Juror 3. When are the moments where I am so firm in my opinion that I refuse to listen to the other side critically or recognize logical points? Both of these characters are headstrong, but in one case it is detrimental. One of the biggest lessons I have taken from this show is the importance of leading with compassion and truly hearing what people have to say.

Aside from the ways I have been affected as a person, this process has helped me grow greatly as an actor. I learned the ways that I work best and what type of preparation helps me the most in rehearsal, and most importantly, I learned to approach every role I am given with an equal amount of dedication, honesty, and attitude. The Foreman is every bit as important a role as Christopher was in Curious Incident and I needed to treat it as such. There was a stark difference in my ability to succeed in rehearsal when I took the time to really dedicate myself to research, character work, and familiarity with the text beforehand rather than do what I needed to get by passably.

One thing I learned during this process is how much research helps me. I love to research and being given such a wide breadth of what we needed to know for this show was invigorating. Being able to do a deep dive into the era and my character enhanced my work in the rehearsal room and helped me feel much more connected to the character. This connection to the character was something that initially struggled with. The distinction between the opinions that I hold and the opinions that the Foreman holds are vastly different and I put a lot of work in and out of rehearsal into analyzing the motives and logical patterns that I would have taken to reach that conclusion. At the end of the day, Foreman does look at things logically and come to his conclusion that way, I just had to do some extra work to separate the speed of logic that would convince me from his line of thinking and doubt.

As I look back on my time with this show and my time with UMW Theatre more broadly, I am incredibly proud of how far I have come. I have learned more about myself as an actor and a person here than anywhere else during my time in college. It has been a blessing to look back on my growth from a non-theatre major with a passion in my first show to someone pursuing a career in the arts and putting everything I have into our productions. I gave this show everything I had. I was able to confidently leave each night knowing I did the work to get me there. This has been one of the best experiences of my college career and I am so grateful to have been a part of this incredible company and to have grown the ways that I have.