September 16

Because we are in a place with tech where we are fortunate enough to do runs every night, I took some time to explore props and how I interact with them. My goal going into rehearsal was specifically to build interactions using the notepad and the cigarette (especially around finding specific times to work with it so that I am smoking for a defined amount of time and consistent about it each night as we move into performances). With the notepad I was experimenting with the extent to which I can be actively writing or taking notes in the room while still seeming actively engaged and paying attention to the action in the room. I found that I was too engaged with the notepad and I did feel taken out of the show tonight and much more like I was in my own world, which is not what I had set out to do. This was, however, enlightening for me because it was able to solidify the limits of me being able to use the notepad. I think it would be more effective if I had notes written on the pad as if they were from the courtroom that I was able to reference throughout the play as we mention testimony rather than actively taking a lot of notes during the events of the play. In regard to the cigarette, one of the challenges with this that I faced was finding a moment where I was hidden enough to slip the cigarette back into my pocket after using it the first time so that I could take out a “fresh” cigarette for a second smoke if this was something that I wanted. One of the things that I thought most about was my motivation for smoking. I decided I would be most likely to pull out a cigarette to calm myself down after a moment of high stress, but I did not want to select moments of high action because then I would be unable to move as freely as I had before in these moments where I have been moving. I also wanted to pick two moments that were a reasonable amount of time from each other–I didn’t want to reach mid-show, smoke two cigarettes back to back and then completely let go of that for the rest of the show. I wanted to carry it through the action of my character to make it a more cohesive part of my overarching action throughout the course of the show. Finally, I felt it would be stronger for me to make decisions on when to smoke based on the emotions I was dealing with, so I chose to stagger my first cigarette to a moment of stress to help convey a stronger story rather than pulling it out the first time I just needed something to do to look occupied. In working with all of these considerations, I was able to highlight two places where I think I am reasonably stressed that are spaced apart. The first cigarette gets pulled right after the vote changes to 10-2 and I have to reprimand Juror 3 a few times. This is when I first start to really lose control of the room, which is distressing. The second cigarette is after Juror 3 nearly stabs Juror 8 and there is no semblance of civility left in the room, especially on the part of Juror 3. This is the point at which there is no hope of me regaining control of the room and I begin to feel even more distressed at how long this has taken and how many ways this has strayed from what it ought to be. I feel good about the discoveries I made tonight, and I feel better about my use of the cigarette having designated times that I use it as I feel it helps me more solidify my point of view in those moments of stress.